Dusk to Dawn storiez #27aug18

I am really sorry. I masturbated. Couldn't continue with the OATH. It was just overpowering me, I was not having the heart in studies or in any other activity. Sexual gratification is a burning phase of my life. Now the OATH has not phased out. Now that I have adhered to it for 7 days, I will continue to do so till 5th Sep, still, 10 days to go. It would be challenging but I have learned many things from the undertaking. Firstly, don't even dare to entertain the idea of any kind of sexual thought. The real challenge is to keep your interests at bay from those tempting fantasies. Once they find a place, it is difficult to uproot them. It might get a start from simplest of things, like browsing through Clashedhorns page or looking at some random vulgar pics, they set the ground for further ideas to develop. So far I feel gratified from last night's masturbation, now the ordeal is to just keep myself at peace. This week is all about studying and therefore I will report about the tiniest of fluctuations in my desires. 

Dusk to Dawn storiez #20aug18

Yes yes I know, I have to talk about the last OATH that I undertook yesterday, well, honestly mind did wander for many times, but ultimately I didn't surrender to the temptations. Couldn't be top-notch though, as I have the Clashedhorns page, I did surf, knowingly that I would stumble upon some graphical raunchiness, and I can't say for sure, but I do remember seeing something mild of the sorts. Anyway, the tagline is that I didn't end up masturbating. 

Oh so going through the report of the day, as it was Sunday, papa and I marched to our respective meetings. I went to Shalimar's and it was a fresh feeling for me because after many years I went there as a guest, a seeking one in that regard. It was refreshing and though I did add a few points at hither thither but didn't intervene much and it was a smooth flow. Meeting was engaging and pleasingly bulky. We had a new guest, a YMD but he would move to nearby Ramprastha, introduced by a new active family. Another pleasantry was having another new WD making a steady presence. Also, concept (Oneness of Self and Environment) was well prepared, if not very refined, but then again, meatful. I felt relieved for 'CHRISTDAKE! 'sarcastically. 

Today our 'manzali dadi-ma', who had been staying with us for one week, was going back. I wonder when I will meet her again. I have promised her that I will come but I am unsure when would I be lucky to see her again. Apart from Nana-ji, she is the other 'maha'-maternal figure. I honestly tried to give her the respect from my side. I think I wouldn't have done anything for her to be offended.  

Facts about Manzali Dadi-ma:

• she was born in 1941 and brought up in Nawada
• she was married in 1962 I guess
• she had given papa her own milk in glass
• she talks most of the time over the phone to one of her 12 grandchildren and their mothers
• she is extremely fond of them and all those she is entitled to as a motherly figure
• she had to see a young daughter's death (24) during some festival, she has been broken since then and her faith dwindled
• she was devoutly loved by her husband and she acknowledges it 

Over dropping her to Sonali bua's rented house in Vasundhra, I had the fate of meeting her two sons, Aarsh and Aarush. Both are contrasting in personality and both are striking. One (younger) an overly-absurdly speaking-intelligent boy (reminds me of Nimish) and other (older) overly-talkative and nerdy boy, he chooses a trustworthy listener who would compliment his morals. I was left to his musings, and he, I would not say bored me, but for generosity sake, kept me all ears.