Source: Philosophize This #150
Source material: Erich Fromm book " The Art of Loving "
- Quote from the book "Love is the only sane and satisfying answer to the problem of human existence."
- Human impermanence (his minute existence on the larger canvas) compels him to connect to something greater.
- Human is fundamentally alone and he realizes this truth
- So the human seeks a partner he doesn't feel much separate from
- Those who don't produce something great (something that makes them less separate from the greater canvas), starve for love
- The new popular idea, viz, 'Becoming Lovable' which says that you have to be so&so to become lovable, like hit gym, become successful, is basically asking from you, acc to Fromm, 'to be more marketable' but this is a 'transactional love' or 'narcissistic love' where you are asking another person to be Something and in return, you are giving them Something.
- You have made yourself into a 'product' that has a similar Exchange Value
- But this can't continue. Because sooner or later you will get bored of the product. This appeals to the more basic Consumerism in us.
- This 'Scratch my back and I scratch Yours' strategy results in fail or unhappy relationships.
- Fromm "Domination springs from impotence and in turn reinforce it. For if an individual force someone to serve him, his own need to be productive is paralyzed."
- Acc to Fromm, the solution to love someone is 'learning to be Alone'
- Love is not a Noun, its a Verb
- Fromm "Love is a passionate affirmation of an object. It is not an effect. but an act of striving in inner relatedness the aim of which is the happiness growth and freedom of its object, it is readiness which in principle can turn to any object including ourselves."
- Fromm means, you cannot love any one person, until you love everyone because otherwise you'll be always choosing person with which you can gain something'
- Love doesn't happen to you, people don't have to approve you for loving them. Love is a choice you make. You love people for who they're not what you want them to be.
- If you choose not to give love to others, you are not receiving it either.
- love needs to be projected outward.
- Love is an ART
- Living is an ART
- A person who dedicated to their ART. An illustrator will see a bench different than others. A musician listen to noise in street different than others.
- Becoming an artist is a 24X7 immersion not when you feel like doing it
- Similarly practising LOVE a full-time job. It is a skill
- But modern society want us to strive for success, prestige, power, money. Thats why if you want to be truly loving being, you have to be counter-culture as well.
- HUMILITY, COURAGE, FAITH and DISCIPLINE = to be a great artist
- HUMILITY : you can't pretend to know you know everything. Open to change and all the lessons available to you. With ego you will improve slowly. you can't choose to love people whom you think is worthy, you only sabotaging the process.
- COURAGE: process is always uncomfortable.
- FAITH: To master something, you have to practice 1000 times, but people who stick till the end bcz they accepted their failure with faith that it will be possible in the end.
- DISCIPLINE: You practice something daily, LOVE is not a passive process, you practice it daily. A state of intensity, awareness, and enhanced vitality.
- LOVE is ultimately about GIVING and the thing you are giving to others is - YOURSELF.
- YOU have to learn to LOVE yourself first enough to be healthy enough to be able to practice it healthily.
